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Steph Curry’s Only Flaw

Steph Curry is the most popular basketball player in the world right now.

At the moment he can do no wrong. The reigning MVP of the league has just had the best shooting regular season of all time and under Andrew Bogut’s great leadership has helped the Golden State Warriors to 73 wins, the best record in NBA history

His popularity is assisted by the perception that his game is theoretically replicable by the mere mortals watching him in the stands and on the TV because he isn’t overly athletic or a seven foot monstrosity. In other words, we can dream about being like him and the dream remains semi believable!

This darling of the league is so beloved that most NBA fans have adopted the Warriors as at least their second favourite team, and are happy to see them win. All this despite the fact that they have already won a championship last season. They are not yet seen as a tall poppy deserving of being cut down. It seems the good will towards this team is so strong that Steph Curry and his Warriors could win two or three more before the grumbles about them would get loud enough for anyone to hear this side of the black stump.

But Steph Curry is undeserving of this uncritical adulation normally reserved for North Korean dictators.

Why? Because he openly insults almost everyone on the planet.

Take what he says in this video (and in many post game interviews):

There are two things wrong with what he says here which show why people need leave the conga line of sycophants waiting for their turn to lick his arse:

  1. He thinks the court is his pulpit

Curry openly admits that his little gesture he often makes after a successful field goal is a message to those watching that he is playing with and for god. This self confessed proselytising is a grievous breach of the sacred principle known as the ‘Separation of Church and Sport’.

The problem here isn’t that Curry is religious. There’s no problem with that. If you want to be a card carrying member of the happy clappy, bible thumping, writhing on the floor when a sweaty middle aged white guy with a bad haircut touches your forehead crowd, be my guest. Just keep that crap out of the sporting arena.

2. He claims his talent is a blessing from god

We’ve all heard the childhood insult, ‘When god was handing out brains, you misheard and thought he said trains, so you asked for a slow one’. Most of us responded to this with a half hearted guffaw and moved on with our lives. Steph Curry has obviously taken the concept that God gave us all of our abilities as a literal truth.

He asserts that the praise for his basketball talents (of which there is plenty) should be directed to God. This might seem a rather benign and perhaps even admirably humble position to make, but I am here to tell you it is more despicable than a half drunk can of emu export.

Here’s three reasons why:

For starters it underplays the many hours of training and practice that HE has done HIMSELF without any divine intervention.

It also fails to give due credit to his parents (or to be more specific the cheap bottle of passion pop that Dell plied to open Sonya’s legs 29 years ago) and the genetic lottery he won by being their son. To illustrate, even his brother who got the crappy leftover genes after Steph was made is good enough to play in the NBA.

More importantly, if it was god that blessed him with his basketball talent then logic dictates that god chose not to bless the rest of us with said talent. Curry is basically apologetically acknowledging that God simply didn’t like the rest of us quite as much. And what about people that are born retarded, the physically deformed, holocaust victims, or Sacramento fans? Curry clearly believes that God must really fucking hate those people.

So I have two messages:

To the vast majority of you: dispense with the illusion that Curry is perfect and worthy of your unquestioning adoration.

And to Steph Curry: stop being a cunt.

Doc Lances Lance, Now Looking Green

G’Day readers,

The NBA Trade period has now passed and the deadline was met with a feckless string of deals which saw a few deck chairs swap Titanics. However one deal stood out as a game changer. The Los Angeles Clippers acquired Jeff Green in exchange for Lance Stephenson and a first round pick. This deal is viewed with skepticism by many outside the four walls of Clipperland, but from within there is optimism that this is the move that will finally push them over the hump.

In order to hush the skeptics, the Clippers have exclusively released to The Shirtfront text messages between the two key decision makers in the organisation. It is hoped that this will show to the world the incredible depth of analysis, research, and due diligence that went in to making this important trade. Perhaps after reading these messages, the people can finally stop picking on the poor old Clippers:

Doc1                                     doc2

 

 

NBA Power Rankings, Shirtfront Style: Drawing a line through 27 teams.

It’s October and that means one thing: footy fans like me are having serious withdrawals and are so hungry for decent sport we could chew the crotch out of a low flying duck, metaphorically speaking of course. Some folks get their sporting fix by turning their attention to the Spring Carnival races, but unless you have money invested, no one really cares which horse actually wins. Others look to the cricket, but there are many who don’t like waiting five days only to find out the result is a draw.

All this makes the NBA, the world’s premier basketball competition, an attractive option for many. There’s plenty of teams to choose from, there’s a game on virtually every night for 9 months, and, thanks to the concept of overtime, a winner is guaranteed each game. As an added bonus there are also plenty of shirtfronts to watch, which this humble hard hitting freelance sports journo particularly enjoys.

The start of every season is a unique time for fans. It is filled with optimism and high expectations. Even the worst teams have reason to brighten their Hale and Paces. You see, only five players are ever on the court at one time, and that means even the most dysfunctional teams can quickly become contenders by swapping just one or two mugs out for a couple of studs.

However as the professional hard hitting freelance sports journo I am, I’ve done some extensive research into all 30 NBA teams and I have some bad news for quite a few fans. Now it is said that there are very few certainties in life; death, taxes, Richie Benaud. Here at The Shirtfront I think there are a few more than the oft quoted ones aforementioned. For instance, I can confidently say, without a shred of doubt, that 27 of the 30 NBA teams have ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of winning the title this season. And in case the bold font didn’t stress the point enough I really do mean no chance. Absolutely 0% chance. Not even a snowflake’s chance in a flatulent man’s bedspread.

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