NBA Power Rankings, Shirtfront Style: Drawing a line through 27 teams.

It’s October and that means one thing: footy fans like me are having serious withdrawals and are so hungry for decent sport we could chew the crotch out of a low flying duck, metaphorically speaking of course. Some folks get their sporting fix by turning their attention to the Spring Carnival races, but unless you have money invested, no one really cares which horse actually wins. Others look to the cricket, but there are many who don’t like waiting five days only to find out the result is a draw.

All this makes the NBA, the world’s premier basketball competition, an attractive option for many. There’s plenty of teams to choose from, there’s a game on virtually every night for 9 months, and, thanks to the concept of overtime, a winner is guaranteed each game. As an added bonus there are also plenty of shirtfronts to watch, which this humble hard hitting freelance sports journo particularly enjoys.

The start of every season is a unique time for fans. It is filled with optimism and high expectations. Even the worst teams have reason to brighten their Hale and Paces. You see, only five players are ever on the court at one time, and that means even the most dysfunctional teams can quickly become contenders by swapping just one or two mugs out for a couple of studs.

However as the professional hard hitting freelance sports journo I am, I’ve done some extensive research into all 30 NBA teams and I have some bad news for quite a few fans. Now it is said that there are very few certainties in life; death, taxes, Richie Benaud. Here at The Shirtfront I think there are a few more than the oft quoted ones aforementioned. For instance, I can confidently say, without a shred of doubt, that 27 of the 30 NBA teams have ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of winning the title this season. And in case the bold font didn’t stress the point enough I really do mean no chance. Absolutely 0% chance. Not even a snowflake’s chance in a flatulent man’s bedspread.

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The Seven Sins of Steve Smith

It’s an incredible achievement to be selected as a member of the Australian Test Cricket Team. It’s easier to win lotto (thousands of living winners), get elected to Federal Parliament (226 spots up for grabs every three years), and even to have sex with Lara Bingle (hundreds I reckon in that club, yours truly included!). Only 439 blokes in history have had the privilege to don the coveted Baggy Green, and most of those only got to wear it on the field less than a handful of times. Consequently it is very important that this honour not get sullied by selecting and persisting with talentless hacks. To do so would be to insult the legends who made the silly looking and impractical  piece of head gear so feared by our rivals. This humble hard hitting sports journo thinks that such an act of sacrilege has been perpetrated, in the form of selecting and keeping Steve Smith in the Test side for so long.

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To follow is a list of seven reasons why Steve Smith is an embarrassment to Australian Cricket and should be axed from our premier cricket team as soon as possible:

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